Sending you forget me nots, to help me to remember.....

I'm a bad blogger. I've just realised this. Sometimes (not often) I'll click on a link leading to someone else's blog and be shocked to see that they're blogging every day. Good grief, what is there to talk about, every day? Certainly nothing much down my end, unless you're interested in my breakfast and my shopping adventures. I like to save entries for when I'm feeling particularly inspired. Today is one of those days.

I'm a day away from my BT for FET 2. I know it's a BFN as I took a Confirm this morning. The transfer this time was excruciating, possibly an inept Dr but most certainly due to adhesions now covering the entry of my cervix due to too many D+Cs. Fifteen minutes of poking various-sized catheters into that general direction led to him "allegedly" transferring 2 of my blasties. I say allegedly because I have my doubts.....I asked if they could end up anywhere else and he laughingly said, "the tubes". Great! Or should he have said tube? On top of that, I now have a dodgy cervix. When I reach the point that the pain of AC outdoes the pain of childlessness (which I think will be some time this year), I was thinking that, due to being unexplained, we could potentially have one of those bizarro miracle stories, you know, Mr and Mrs Such and Such, who TTC for 5 years, did AC for 2, gave up, went on a holiday and conceived! Blerch. Now, no more. In fact, I need to have more surgery, to fix the result of previous surgery, which I only had because I keep losing babies. It's a wonderful world!

So, the point of today's blog is to discuss another interesting group of people one comes across in one's IF travels. There are Fertiles, which includes the sub-set Rabid Fertiles, who don't want to be made to feel guilty for being so fertile, thank you very much! There are Infertiles and Infertility-deniers. Now, we come to what I like to call, Infertility-Forgetters.

A bloods nurse once said to me, one day when you have your kids, this will all seem like a bad dream. I hope so, and yet I hope not. I would like to remember and retain empathy for those still travelling the path. I will add here that not for me the eternal optimism that I WILL SUCCEED. I don't believe that for one minute. In fact, I'm pretty sure the FC stats are being boosted by Impatient Fertiles (that's a topic for another blog) and that people like me are the ones who end up childless at the end of the whole shebang.

However, on the off-chance, and I give myself now perhaps a 10% chance of having a successful pregnancy and that's if I persevere cycle after cycle, that I do end up with a child, I would like to hold onto every emotion of this journey. I owe it to those still cycling. I will never end up an Infertility Forgetter. They are worse than all the other categories, because now they expect you not to be bitter and twisted and to be happy for everyone. And they're allowed to express that, because they've "had their share of Infertility". Great, it must be easy to be so magnanimous once you HAVE YOUR OWN CHILD/REN.

And no, we haven't forgotten what you were like when you yourselves were suffering Infertility. We remember the emotion, the melodrama, the bitterness, the hatred. Oh yes we do. So please, do us all a favour and pull off those hypocritical angel wings. Don't betray the memory of the many women who are still going through this by telling us we need to get over it because you did. Insult me some other way.