Today the last negative has finally sunk in, along with the realisation that I'm less than 2 weeks away from starting my final stim. This time a year ago I reluctantly joined the AC circus, with the expectation that what my body wouldn't do naturally could be effected quickly with science. As it turns out, we were actually a whole lot more fertile before IVF, if that's even possible.
I don't really know what else to throw at this. There's nothing we need to do to improve response, quality of eggs/sperm, blasts, hormones etc etc. Each cycle chugs along swimmingly, that is until the red lady sings. We are taking steps to counteract possible clotting and inflammation issues. I am truly ruining my FC's stats.
I took my post-it list of concerns to Dr Suave on Friday with some wins and some losses.
1. I want a down reg, I got a down reg. Hard work to pull for that at my FC, AKA Antagonists R Us. Here's hoping for a good haul like the first one.
2. I thought maybe going up to 50mg prednisolone might give me an edge but he demurred. Apparently 25mg is actually quite high and they usually prescribe 10-15mg. I don't like this drug at the best of times, so I'll play ball on that one.
3. The role that being ANA+ plays....apparently it's like saying that 5% of cars outside are red, but that doesn't mean only red cars crash. Thank you, Dr Weird Analogy! So we just don't know.
4. I brought up the possibility of transferring a day 2/3 embie as obviously these perfect little blasts don't take to mama. Better in than out? No. They like blasts, they have success with blasts. They don't want to waste time transferring embies which may well have stopped dividing in the dish at day 4. It makes sense and I deferred to his greater medical knowledge on that one, but I'm still not so sure.
I'm also going gluten, dairy, caffeine, sugar and alcohol free this cycle, and I tell you what, that last one really hurts! If it takes down the inflammation in my body by even 5% extra, it might help.
I really don't know what else to do. If this is a bust, I use up my frosties, pack up my cricket set and walk off into the setting sun of childlessness.
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Dear Mez
Am so sorry to read your most recent posting. I have finally given up. Our last cycle produced only four eggs and we transfered the two that remained at day 3 but to no avail. We have bought the "no maternity" ring (in lieu of the eternity ring I thought I'd get on the birth of 1st child) and diamonds are quite lovely - they won't turn into grunting teens!
we are beginning the next phase of our lives, slowly adapting to the "fact" of childlessness. It's heartbreaking for sure, but I feel strangely empowered. Have taken up running and will do the city to surf this month, have applied to lost of firms for a new and interesting job (although the rejections take a bit of getting used to - kind of like "how dare they destroy this dream when I have just had to let another go?") and we're making plans for our new house.
All my thoughts are with you and everything is crossed for you. I hope so much you get the outcome you deserve. I don't react well to news of pregnancies but would relish news of yours.
Take care and, as my counsellor says, be gentle on your self.
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