Friday 18 April 2008

Do Infertiles Dream of Infertile Sheep?

Sometimes, a hidden memory crawls around the nether regions of my shrivelled, aging brain, jolting me with a blast from the past. A memory, pre-TTC, when the world was a warm, happy place. Well, at least predictable and logical in many ways.

The other night, when I was peering out the window trying to take my mind off yet another surgical procedure which was not guaranteed to bring me a baby, yet had to be done, one of these time-tendrils brushed my cheek. For some reason, I couldn't get out of my head the Tyrell corporation logo, "More human than human". Further analysis took me back around 9 years, possibly the last time I saw Blade Runner. Why was this in my head? Was it the thought of being placed on yet another operating table, to be entered, cut, scraped, violated again? Has technology gone too far? Why am I putting myself through this personal trespass? Clearly it's not something I enjoy, hell, I'd never been admitted to hospital until the age of 35 for my first M/C.

I guess the genetic engineering themes in Blade Runner were flittering through my mind with the thought of yet another procedure. I can't extrapolate much more deeply than that.

For me, very occasionally, art gives hope, a type of wish-fulfillment that the world could be a different place. Things like the simple yet blindingly poignant death speech of Roy Batty, who, in a few words, reveals his understanding of the world and empathy for man through the ages. At that moment, he is indeed more human than human.

If only human empathy were that simple.


All those moments will be lost in time like tears in rain.
Time to die.

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