Are We There, FET?

So, here we are after my CD10 BT this morning, gearing up for the Christmas FET which was almost not to be. The disappointment of the October BFN (F stands for a word more profane than Fat in my language) was slightly alleviated by the knowledge that of the 9 blasts, 5 were A-grade and usable, in fact I even think that the magic "compacting morula" (AKA Blast-Off!) words were spoken by the embryologist.

So with November written off due to the move, I was determined to courier over my 4 babies and get one of them ricocheted into mama before the end of the year. Of course AF was late and the clinic is shutting literally on the day I need them to be open, but let's stay positive, shall we?*insert wacko gif here*

The need to see the year out on a transfer is more psychological than anything else. Actually not a thing to do with the safety net as IVF seems awfully cheap over here, no, I just need to get on with things and make sure I did more than one big AC thing this year.

Why the delay, you ask? Why not be one of those intense-ators who runs to the GP for Clomid after 6 months of TTC, or starts seeing a Fertility Specialist 3 months before the 12-month definition of Infertility kicks in, just to start tests of course.

Well, see, here's the thing. I'm not meant to be doing AC. I hate Doctors, I hate hospitals, I hate anything to do with intervention. Truly, I'm one of those smug anti-pharmaceutical cliches, you know, the people who don't even take panadol? I walked around on a broken leg for a whole day once due to Dr Denial. So it's quite hilarious how much I've been in and out of hospitals the past few years, lovely, relaxing places that they are.

Of course, Murphy's Law and dumb luck have also not played their allocated parts in this story. How many people finally fall pregnant literally on the 12-month anniversary of TTC, thus reinforcing the fact that we're actually not infertile, just having bad luck? How many people then miscarry at 12 weeks but decide to give nature another 9 months to get her shit together, then finally make an appointment, only to fall pregnant again and lose it again? Then what is the likelihood that this same unlucky person will fall pregnant the month after this second miscarriage, not realising due to fucked up hormones that the positive pregnancy tests aren't just remnants of the previous month's miscarriage, only to end up with a life-threatening ectopic rupture, ambulance sirens, and a lost tube? How many people would then be so disturbed by the whole thing, that they needed to take another 9 months off TTC and travel a lot to get over the trauma? (erm, all rhetorical questions if you hadn't worked that out- not thinking clearly enough to use my clear thinking language techniques here)

Well, there it is in a nutshell. Lots of shitty luck, lots of denial, which leads me to only being up to my 2nd transfer this month, if all goes to plan. Clearly, I'm panicking. Being laidback can be good, but being laidback can be god-awful too.