Do I look FET in this?

Or, how many lame puns can I squeeze out of this acronym?

I was dwelling on this today, lying in the stirrup chair waiting for the FS to come and perform my transfer. As always, the blast was perfect, thawed perfectly, lining perfect, hormones perfect, yada yada yada. This is the joy of Unexplained Infertility, EVERYTHING FUCKING WORKS PERFECTLY BUT YOU DON'T GET A BABY!

As I rested my mitts on my distended belly, I pondered the unpleasant weight gain of the last 3 years or so and my inability to do anything about said weight gain.

IF causes weight gain in both overt and subtle ways, leading to further self-loathing at a time when you already hate yourself and pretty much most of the world.

My weight gain actually began, appropriately enough, with my first pregnancy. Shall we say that like Ebenezer Scrooge, I've glimpsed the future for any possibly successful pregnancy, and that future is BIG. While I only reached the end of the first trimester, my appetite exploded exponentially. The craving for junk food and need for carbs was egregious. Unfortunately, the 4 kgs gained then have never come off, and many more have been added. Two more with the next unsuccessful pregnancy, lost very early but at this stage I was happy to let myself go and pig out (emotional eating, ya know). About another 4kgs after the ectopic through anaemia-induced inertia, depression and stress eating/drinking.

Unfortunately, the process of IVF means that not only are you mildly depressed and in no mood to diet/exercise, but you also have all the "what if" scenarios. Like, not wanting to join a gym in case of pregnancy. Or, because you don't want to do anything too strenuous in the 2WW, just in case. Don't forget the old, "if I get pregnant, I'll be putting on weight anyway, so this doesn't matter" excuse as well.

Oh, I just remembered, the drugs you have to take during IVF also lead to weight gain!! Hilarious, no?

So, on top of going through this shitty saga, you also gain 10kgs, have tits the size of a porno-melon and eat crap because it's the one thing that fills this hole at the moment. You don't fit into any of your clothes but don't want to spend money on any new, size 14-type clothes because you're sure that this is merely a "transitory period".

Except that the transitory period has now gone on for about the same length of time as 5 pregnancies put together.