Hubris and the ART of Random Chaos.

So we draw to the close of the interventionist aspect of Stim Cycle No 2 and enter the 2WW with trepidation and not a lot of hope.

With the continuation of various elements of Infertility-denial, I will admit to some small amount of smugness at the outcome (up to, but not including, the whole successful pregnancy thing) of completed Stim Cycle 1. I had no small expectation of at least replicating the haul and quality of blasts this time, with 2 transferred and potentially 2-3 for the freezer.

Pride did indeed come before this ACer's fall on Saturday in the chair, while the earnest young embryologist explained that we were transferring a grade 2 and a grade 3 blast, with none to freeze. Where, when, how, why, HUH??? How did I go from 5 grade 1s, to these 2 cast-offs, barely 6 months later?? If this fails, I have to stim again immediately? I get to do that statistically significant 3rd stim (the one by which if I'm to succeed with IVF, needs to be IT?) So soon? And then, assuming nothing then, go down the path of the long-term, difficult cases, slugging it out for cycle 4, 5, 6 etc, ad infinitum, ad nauseam?

And what happened to this whole antagonist thing that was meant to IMPROVE egg quality? GIVE ME BACK MY DOWN REG!!!! I'm as healthy/unhealthy as I was 6 months ago.....is 38.5 that much farther down the slippery slope of infertility, than 38?

As always with AC, there are no real answers, only platitudes: "cycles are unpredictable", "lots of factors are involved", "we just don't know", yada yada. I'm to be grateful that we even had 2 to transfer, as that's the whole purpose of stimming. Even Dr Suave choked down a metaphorical *roll-eyes gif* and told me that 50% of women don't get any to freeze. (so shut up already, you over-analytical drama-queen....he was thinking it; I know that look by now.)

I feel a step closer to the end. Which isn't such a bad thing.