Riddle me this: What's worse than a BFN?

Answer: a BFP with fuck-all HCG, which means essentially waiting to miscarry so the whole cycle can start again.

I do NOT want to have any more non-viable pregnancies! (are you listening, oh god of all the atheists?) I do NOT want to be sitting here now, on CD36, no sign of AF, puffed up with excess progesterone and fluid, waiting for my *huge* HCG of 41 to drop so I can get on with this bullshit again.

I do NOT want to have on my life score card any more than 4 losses.....now it's just getting ridiculous. I feel enough of a freak as it is, with my perfect hormones, DH's perfect SA, perfect fucking freezer full of grade A blasts with no baby in sight.

ENOUGH I SAY!

Right. Now that Angry Mez has had her say, cut to Rational Mez for the insight of the day.

These IVF pregnancy losses are actually much easier than the natural ones, the ones before I had a specialist, or even a GP, thought I was pregnant for ages, started spotting then ended up at the Women's Hospital once the cramps were too painful. I like my miscarriages like my men, predictable, reliable, right on time!!

The good thing is, (my rule of thumb as a life-long pessimist is to always at least try to look for the silver lining) If your HCG is below the reasonable low end on your beta day and doesn't rise much in follow up tests, you pretty much know the drill. In the interests of marking down some of this scintillating banter for posterity, may I present, An Infertilityfriend's Production of:


The Phone Call from the Fertility Clinic. (starring nurse and Mez - cue low-level, suspenseful, Hitchcockian music)

Nurse: um, hi Mez, well, the test is showing some pregnancy hormone but, um, I'm afraid it's very low....(spoken in sheepish, apologetic monotone)

Mez: Yeah, I know, I suspected a chemical due to feeling absolutely exhausted, no AF and 6 negative HPTs. (spoken confidently, in fact, almost too upbeat!)

Nurse: um, yes, it looks that way....can you come in in 2 days for a follow up?

Mez: why the hell not? It's a date! :)

Ok, that last comment was sarcastic.

Waiting, waiting, waiting.........