Waiting for the great leap forward.....

or as Cher would say in Clueless, (or was it Ty or Dionne?) can't wait till I'm riding that crimson wave!

There's a lot of waiting involved in long-term TTC. Ironically, when things go wrong, it's the only time you're willing the Red Enigma to visit. (Look! Down below! It's a HPT, it's a BFP, NO! It's the Red Enigma!)

I'm now CD39 and still no sign. Irritatingly enough, I took a HPT out of interest to see if anything was happening today, and of course, unlike last week when I actually wanted one, I obtained a BFP. So clearly my body thinks it's hilarious to fuck with me in this way.

An Infertility Friend's Production of......

Mez's Body's Revenge. (starring Mez and Mez's body....perhaps the same thing)

Mez's reproductive organs: lets fuck with this bitch some more....maybe raise her HCG a little, drag things on, you know the drill. (Cue manic laughter)

Ok, at this point I know what you're thinking. Why is this crazy woman constantly referring to herself in the third person? Isn't that the 3rd sign of madness, behind talking to yourself and playing air-keyboards to Flock of Seagulls on your Ipod while on the treadmill? (that would be check, and check)

I guess it's part of the disassociation of yourself from your body while on IVF. (yeah, that sounds good, disassociation) Sometimes the only way to cope is to switch off. I know it's old amongst those of us going through this particular form of Chinese water torture, but truly, once you embark upon this journey, your body is no longer your own. I've been gently scolded by nurses for walking to my ET without holding my gown together. Dude, some guy is gonna be putting a catheter into my cervix, inches north of my labia, both minora AND majora. The time for dignity has passed!

Funnily enough, I was one of those shy, retiring petals who put off having their first pap smear for years and years....oh the shame of a Dr seeing my privates! Ha ha ha.

I must say, however, on the extremely unlikely, improbable and downright impossible chance that this pregnancy does not miscarry, I will carry the guilt of the past week with me to my grave. After the official 2WW, I've reacquainted myself with many dear friends, including Brandy (lime and soda), sushi, soft cheese and prawns.

Whaddya gonna do?