Friday 9 January 2009

Dusk is Dawn is Day.

Today: dilation and curette no: 3. Buh-bye. I must admit that as I lie in recovery, groggy and bleeding time after time, I swear that this journey isn't worth continuing. I guess I just forget.

Two Days Ago: scan shows sac and yolk measuring 5 weeks, 1.5 weeks behind. Dr Suave has no answers for me and admits that he can't help me. He knows that something is wrong but just doesn't know what. I grill him about PGD but he does everything to convince me that it's pointless. That unless you know what you're actually testing for, they can only check for 6 chromosomes which only comprise 60% of fetal abnormalities. Knowing how I like to google stuff for proof, he even shows me the latest clinical study which concludes that PGD is not efficacious in unexplained cases. I have no idea why he's so negative. I know I'm fucking up their stats, but so what? My money's as good as anyone's right? Luckily I'm moving as I no longer have confidence in this huge, impersonal, supermarket of a clinic. DH wants to try the pre-eminent PGD clinic in the world, the one which supplies 10% of the world's PGD babies. Fortuitously, it's in our home town.

Two Months Ago: review appointment after failed stim 4 cycle where I told Dr. Suave I was pulling the pin on IVF. He doesn't argue with me, just reminds me of his graph, the one where your chance of conceiving climbs with each cycle up to stim 4, then slams viciously down to earth. I ask what he would recommend if I were one of those delusionoids who was prepared to do cycle after cycle, he says the next step would probably be PGD. I walk away thinking, yeah right, my blasts are perfect! Ha.

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