Update from a Batcoat.

Yes, I am. Just a wee bit, but that's okay, man. Just because I'm so popular, yuk yuk.

It's been a while. I've been super duper busy. I am back to teaching at my old school, full-time. I LOVE my classes. I want to teach them forever, they are not only the bomb but even, somewhat embarrassingly, extend to being da bomb. I feel useful, stimulated, engaged. I have the footy boys in Year 10 quoting Macbeth. ["Miss, should I use 'Stars hide your fires, Let not light see my black and deep desires' to show how Macbeth is sinking more into evil?"] I LOVE teaching literature.

And all is well, unless I think of how I've ended up a childless, batcoat, old crone.

PGD crashed and burned. Sadly, my over/high-stimming smugness has been shot down in a metaphorical ring of peri-menopausal fire. Two fucking eggs. Not even enough to biopsy. Did a day 2 X 2 Tx, just for shizz and gigglez and to say I've tried day 2, since those fucking perfect blasts never got me nowhere, dude. This was in June, when I was way too busy to blog. I've also been horrendously ill for most of the year with my usual chesty ailments, certainly not assisted by shutting down my entire immune system in the name of Colorado.

This was the one. You know when they say you should stop IVF when the pain of doing it exceeds the pain of being childless? That was the one. Technically, stim cycle 6. I never had implantation in a stim, yet conceived naturally 3 times and on 2 out of 3 natural Fets. I still don't know why I'm infertile. Science can't tell me, and I'm too old to benefit from any miraculous discoveries in the next few years. FSH is now 9.9 on CD4 and AMH is 6.7, standard for an almost 40-year-old and not so good, fertility wise.

And just because I basically crack myself up, consistently, I saw a naturopath who thinks she can regulate my hormones and help me conceive. Insert mega rolleyes here, if you please! And to add to the general jocularity, I asked my FS for a script for Clomid, yay! Gotta exhaust all options, I say.

I have had moments of deep, dark sadness; just for a moment though. I won't wallow; there are social events to attend, career ladders to climb, countries to travel and teenagers to inspire. No time for self-pity.

Stay tuned?